Enhancing Your Erotic Self-Pleasure

Our celebratory month, "Maybation" is coming to an end for 2019, so I wanted to finish it out with some how's, and ways to integrate this amazing act of self-love into your life that you may have never thought of or have experienced. Masturbation is a practice that we often, without realizing it, are super habituated with. We have been doing it or not doing it the same way for years!

What happens when you decide you want to expand your erotic self-pleasure or start exploring it, can you imagine the possibilities? Maybe you can, maybe you have already started or maybe you're having the thoughts of not even knowing where or how to begin this expansion I speak of.

There are so many different ways we can touch ourselves and connect with our arousal and orgasmic energy. So many different ways we can play, explore and stimulate ourselves into aliveness!

My truths and experiences with erotic self-pleasure have grown exponentially over the last 15 years or so. Which has surprised me, because I never thought I had an issue with it or was lacking, but I did. I was programmed to think of it one way for one purpose, to basically get off. And now I write these words, "to basically get off" and that sounds so cold and lacking the pleasure I know it to hold for me and so many others. Affirming where my programming used to be and now celebrating where it is currently.

I see this independent and sometimes mutual act as a necessity, for my overall health and pleasure. Enhancing and expanding my orgasmic energy in every aspect of my life, connecting centering and empowering me. Wow, saying that makes my heart beat a little faster, my face smile and my body tingle! I love the way that feels, way more than how my old programming felt.

In this months Love Letters all dedicated to Erotic Self-Pleasure. I have gone over the value of this with; Erotic Self-Pleasure Stories to Break the Shame , 19 Benefits to Your Erotic Self-Pleasuring Sessions, and Your Erotic Self-Pleasure Programming and Common Myth Busting. Now, I am excited to guide you into a few ways to enhance and to continue with this month’s theme of learning about and expanding your erotic self-pleasure.

One of "the how's" that has expanded me in a way that I never had a concept of and understood the expansion it would bring is Orgasmic Meditation. This has been a foundational practice to which I have done for myself and I currently teach 28+ different ways of OM. And let me say these practices are some amazing ways to expand your erotic pleasure potential!

Orgasmic Meditation may seem new, since in recent years you may have heard of one company bringing it's one type of OM practice (only stroking the clitoris for 15 minutes with a partner), promoting that is the way of doing Orgasmic Meditation and coined the term "OMing".

So let me give a bit of back history of this thing called Orgasmic Meditation and also called OM/Orgasmic Yoga/Orgasmic Yoga Meditation/OYM.

In the 1970's Rutgers Medical University conducted a study involving the significance of brain phenomena in sexual orgasm. Using EEG, while also recording cardiac, circulatory, and muscular changes in the body. Showing us the brain waves during conscious erotic self-pleasuring. We move from different frequencies. Beta- our rational thinking where we spend most of our time; alpha- our creative realm, our REM sleep state and where we remember our dreams, theta- our deep sleep and trance/hypnotic states, and delta- our deepest level and no voluntary muscle activity. During their climax, the participants' brains were in the theta wave so they were indeed in a meditative state. Supporting the concept of erotic meditation via erotic self-pleasuring. Which is known as Orgasmic Meditation! I find this so very amazing and it just makes me want to do that form of meditation even more.

So...I want to share with you an (O)rgasmic (M)editation below you can start today! When I started on the OM journey. This was one of the most profound erotic self-pleasuring practices that I learned when I became a (C)ertified (S)exological (B)odyworker. So much so, I will still come back to this very practice periodically to check in with myself and I have integrated pieces I have learned into my erotic self-pleasure within my other sessions. I do allow my arousal to happen and to complete this meditation in orgasm. Which over time has taught me a deeper connection to myself, confidence with partners sexually and where and how on my body, I can access different types of orgasms.

This Orgasmic Meditation is called, Gently Resting Genitals.

A mindfulness practice. Where we place part of our attention on our practice and part on our intention to practice. In this meditation, you can assess your genital sensations/numbness, as well as your ability to be focused/distracted.

The Gently Resting Genital Meditation is practiced without the start of activating sexual arousal.

I first create a space to do this in. You may want your space to have music or no music, dim lighting or maybe some candles, in my bedroom or in a different safe uninterrupted room, on the furniture or the floor with a soft blanket & sheet, lube and maybe a toy to use at the very end. Creating my own "nest" of sorts, a space to practice this meditation in that feels good to me.

We place our attention on our genitals first through imagination, then through breath, and finally through touch.

Choose to sit or stand.

Craft your intention.

Notice how you value and/or resist this specific meditation.

Without touching yourself, bring your conscious awareness to your genital area. On a scale of one to ten, what is your genital awareness score?

As you go through this meditation, you may wish to compare changes on the awareness scale.

Part I: Spend a few minutes paying attention to your genital geography. Try turning on an internal sense: gaze, hearing or feeling.

You may wish to use a mirror here. When you become distracted, gently bring your awareness back to your genitals.

Part II: Now spend a few minutes breathing to awaken genital sensation. Inhale and exhale through your genitals. Relax constrictions with each breath. Nourish all of the cells in your pelvic realm with O2.

Part III: Let your attention be guided by your hand cupping your genitals. For a few minutes, experiment with various pressures, touches, and vibrations. You can also expand your touch into a genital massage.

Notice sparks in the genitals that might evolve into arousal.

Do you feel any pull from familiar arousal patterns? If you choose to become aroused or arousal happens beyond your choice, you can continue the meditation or you may wish to come back to this meditation another time.

In the final minutes of your meditation, reflect on your experience.

Consider what distractions and difficulties inhibited your focus of attention.

On a scale of one to ten, what is your level of genital awareness?

Welcome any changes in your genitals into your day.

Ways we pleasure ourselves:

You may be just starting out on the erotic self-pleasuring journey or you may be a long time player. Either way, I encourage you to try new ways of erotic self-pleasure. As I have said before we get stuck in the way we have always done it. I know I was. And, when I started my OM practices, these really opened me up to new ways and greater pleasure throughout my whole body not just my genitals.

I have heard and seen lots of ways we all enjoying pleasure in our bodies. I am going to share a few ways to erotically self-pleasure to help some of us get started or to enhance your current sessions.

Vulva owners these are for you!

Breathe, just keep breathing. Bring that O2 into that body!

Allow your sounds to come out. Sound is an amplifier to our pleasure, moans, purrs or any sound your body wants to let out, release it, let it flow.

Move your body, your pelvis is not stationary. Back and forth, side to side or in circles before and during your session.

Try different positions. Lay down with your legs bent up, to the sides apart, kneel, stand up, lay on your side or even on your stomach.

Slow down! Play with the speed. Notice what feels the best to you.

Use lube, it will enhance sensation and help your hands and pleasure items glide.

Use different pressures; lighter, deeper and movements; up and down, circular, back and forth, and gentle tugging.

Slowly explore and enjoy all the vast spots of your vulva, vagina and anus have to offer. *play with your anus after you have explored your vulva & vagina not prior.

Stimulate all parts of your vulva. Including the clitoris; head, shaft, legs, and deeper underneath the labia majora (outer lips) is the vestibular bulbs, labia majora (outer lips) and labia minora (inner lips), the vaginal opening and canal, perineum; the area of skin between the base of your vaginal opening and anus, and your anus.

Rubbing near, on the sides or directly on the clitoris can be very pleasurable, for some direct stimulation can be very intense. And know, 70% of women need clitoral stimulation with or without penetration to orgasm.

If your anus is a new pleasure spot to you, try and incorporate it. It is also full of pleasure-inducing nerves. I recommend getting acquainted with your anus in the shower. Slowly explore, with gentle light pressure, this may just be on the outside for you at first. It may take some time for this space to become a pleasure center for you, so if it doesn't happen right away, it's ok.

Try these specific techniques.

Lips Exploration- Explore the areas of the labia majora (outer lips) and labia minora (inner lips) press, roll, pinch, pull and tap. Vary up the pressure, speed, and intensity of which you play and explore.

Valley Slide- the pads of your fingers, pointer and middle up and down this crease between your labia majora and clitoris. Vary up the pressure and speed.

Stroke your Hood/Shaft *find it= place your pointer finger flat on the hood and feel the tubular structure underneath. Place your thumb and pointer finger just to the sides of that tubular structure and with light pressure move up and down "stroke" without taking your fingers off.

Head roll- between the pads of your thumb and pointer finger lightly pinch and roll.

Doorbell- like actually pushing a doorbell, lightly push and hold varying up the pressure.

Opening Swirl- with light pressure use your pointer and middle finger and lightly in a circular motion go around in circles at the very opening of your vagina. As you lengthen the time with this begin to insert slightly into your opening. Vary the speed.

Penis owners these are for you!

Sadly most penises get touched the same way and the balls for some are left out totally.

Breathe, just keep breathing. Bring that O2 into that body!

Slow down! Play with the speed. Notice what feels the best to you.

Move your body, your pelvis is not stationary. Back and forth, side to side or in circles before and during your session.

Use lube, it will enhance sensation and help your hands glide. The amount you want to use varies, that's up to you. Try less and try more.

Try different positions. Lay down, kneel, stand up, lay on your side or even on your stomach.

Use different pressures. Use a stronger grip and less of a grip, alternate back and forth.

Incorporate your scrotum/balls, the skin, and the crease to your inner thighs. Rub, tickle, tug or squeeze gently on the ball area.

Try rubbing your perineum, your "tant" the area of skin between the base of your scrotum and your anus, using two fingers in a circular motion or up and down. Do these with and without touching your penis and while you stroke yourself.

If your anus is a new pleasure spot to you, try and incorporate it. It is also full of pleasure-inducing nerves. I recommend getting acquainted with your anus in the shower. Slowly explore, with gentle light pressure, this may just be on the outside for you at first. It may take some time for this space to become a pleasure center for you, so if it doesn't happen right away, it's ok.

Try these specific techniques.

The Climber- Start at the head, grip and use a continuous downward motion. One hand after another. Continue this motion.

Twist and Shout- Twisting (like your wringing out a wet towel) with an up and down motion, keeping your hands connected without removing. Try it with one hand alone and then with both hands.

Mutual Erotic Self-Pleasure:

Another way to bring more connection knowledge and pleasure into your partnership is mutual erotic self-pleasure. Also known as mutual masturbation. I hear a lot of people say this is an activity that is only supposed to be done alone. What? Nooo.

I derive so much pleasure in mutually erotic self-pleasuring with my partner. I would say that this is a need in my relationship for enhancing my sexual satisfaction. Yes, I love watching, visual stimulation enhances me, it is a huge turn on and heightens my arousal. I love to see what my partner enjoys, its a great way for me to learn what pleases them as well.

Sometimes we will stay in the mindset of erotic self-pleasuring separate (not fully connected, oral or penetration with genitals) and mutually pleasure each other with our hands. I will have them take my hand and use my hand to pleasure themselves how they enjoy it the most. Talk about learning and being turned on, WOW, yes, please!

I highly invite you to try laying next to each other, side by side, scooting further down so your heads are at each of the pelvis spaces (we prop our heads on pillows), laying opposite with feet next to head or discovering a position that works best for you both. Take turns or do it at the same time. Enjoy yourself while enjoying your partner too!

I would like to clarify something that has been brought up many times in conversation, in my private and group sessions that involve OM. I do appreciate that a company saw the value in Orgasmic Meditation and its wellness benefits. I also feel there has been A LOT left for interpretation, lack of education with this amazing practice as a whole and unfortunately, some people have been misguided and have reported unnecessary pressures with lack of enthusiastic consent. And, so I feel this company may have also caused a negative perspective of OM. I am seriously hoping that if this is the perception you hold, just know that this is one company that does not speak for all who use this beautifully transformative pleasure-enhancing practice.

Pleasure is often available when we turn our attention towards it. With no judgment, no shoulds, be in your pleasure, what is right for you in your body right now. If it's good, stay with it, explore it, feel it in your whole body.

Give this Orgasmic Meditation, erotic self-pleasure techniques, along with the mutual erotic self-pleasuring a try this month and next, and let me know what happens. It doesn't have to stop with the month of May, I invite you to continue incorporating these practices into your new or already pleasuring routine. It may just take your health, and pleasure places you have never been before!

In erotic breath, love, and hugs from my heart to your heart ~Dragonfly💜