As I was growing up I didn't realize everything that went into my overall wellness, I especially didn't realize or know about my sexual wellness. And, how that actually played a part in my overall wellness. I saw these as separate, not connected.
I had no real education on sex, to begin with, probably much like you, abstinence was the thing being taught (unfortunately it still is). You and I both know how that works out, it doesn't, because it is based out of fear. We can't possibly see our children as sexual beings, THEY ARE because they are you and I. Sexuality is a natural needed presence in our lives. Being young I didn't know that, that also meant, the beautiful intimacy and sex I could have with myself, first and foremost, then how that played a part into my partnered intimacy and sex.
Now I am not saying to just let your children run wild and do whatever makes them happy. I am saying, educate them about what is going on with their bodies, support the fact that it is natural and the feelings they are having are real and how to explore that in a consensual, safe and empowering way. Take a minute and reflect on how that approach may have helped you grow up, what power would that have put in your lap.
Now being young is confusing enough, really so confusing. Especially in today's world, with access to all the "stuff" on the internet, access 24/7. It's pretty different from when I grew up, as I was born in the ’70s and we didn't have all the access. Some of the "stuff" is great information and some... just not at all. In my eyes, it is more important now than ever to educate, empower and support the youth growing up today.
Ok, so that is difficult when we ourselves are battling with the many facets of sexual pleasure in our lives as adults. We are carrying around so much, and most of the time we don't even realize it. Sex-Negative messages and programming we have felt for so long we actually believe, have become our truth. Which may have derived from the lack of or no real education, pain, shame, judgment, neglect, trauma, religion, fairytale messages we tell ourselves mentally, and habitual actions of choices that are not healthy for us, and now feel true every time something happens. Feels... not good, actually horrible.
So most of you know I am a mother, of two daughters. I was not where I am now with my sexual wellbeing, and empowered education... so yes I made decisions out of fear. They are my beautiful baby's and I did not want to see them hurt like I was, I wanted to protect them, I wanted them to not do what I did, I wanted them to be better than I was. I was FEARFUL. And, I did also change some things I learned about sex education and made some different choices with them. Yet, it was not perfect! Far from it, and we all know nothing is perfect, and now I see there is beauty in that. So I did my best with what I had.
When I look back and talk with my girls I ask questions, I want to know what messages they received, what is their truth now, how did I play a part in that and holding conversations to see where we can learn new valuable information. And, when I hear their words, messages I had given them, I am pleasantly surprised. Like the changes, I chose to make, by talking with them openly on age-appropriate education, not making things up or ignoring their curiosity. When my youngest came home and said "mom, what's a boner?" and "mom, do you have to be naked when you have a baby?", in 3rd grade. We got many more questions from her because she was verbal, and asked, was a very curious little one. And, every time I gave honest information, used real words like penis and then gave a few more for a boner that she is likely to hear. As long as she kept asking I gave more information, if she stopped she was good. So I didn't keep going.
When we help ourselves we are helping support our children. Breaking the cycle of fear-based education, not placing our shame and difficulties on their beautiful spirits. Allowing them to have a pleasure filled life free of shame and an array of self-inflicted difficulties. Truly empowered, to live a life for themselves in a way that feels good for them. Setting them up for success within themselves and the beautiful relationships they are going to have!
The influence we have as parents and role models isn't just in the direct questions we may get, or complications our children are going through that we see. Actually most of the time it is in what we model, what they are seeing every day. They are paying attention, even when you think they are not. So the way you treat yourself, the way you show love and interact with your partner(s)and the verbiage you choose to use with everyone around you, including them. Pay attention, be aware of what and how these things are showing up and happening with you and your interactions. How are you talking about yourself and others around them?
Sometimes it's not as easy as you would think, when you are not used to doing it, it takes practice. When awareness happens, shifts can happen, then you can make different choices. Show them love instead of hate, open affection, self-care, boundaries, love for your body, supportive words instead of shaming judgemental language.
The beautiful little beings in your life, do you want them to grow up empowered? Leading pleasure-filled lives, able to say YES and mean it and NO without explanation. Truly allowing the gifts of pleasure they so deserve in life without debilitating shame and judgment for themselves and others? I DO, and I hope you do too!
Start now! Start with yourself. Break free and empower yourself and them.
In erotic breath, love, and hugs from my heart to your heart ~Dragonfly💜